Panto Philosophy

Would you look up at the skyline,

at the mortar, block and glass, 

and check out the reflections in my eyes.

You see they always used to be there,

even when this all was grass,

and I sang and danced about a high-rise.

- Ben Folds, "Philosophy"

One of the hardest parts I've come across thus far in the Panto Process is the balance of the characters. One stated goal of this project was to create a Panto with 'no wasted characters'. This is important to me. I've always got away with characters that have a constant presence on stage with heaps of jokes and interaction, but every Panto I've ever been part of also has a bunch of characters who do very little besides move the story on slightly. Test.

The concept of characters whose only purpose is to nudge the plot slightly in a particular direction is perfectly fine in most mediums. In a film you might have an FBI agent only turn up in one scene, but that means the actor might only film for one day. Our pantomimes tend to have a rehearsal period of about 3 months, usually meeting up twice a week. That is for every named character. Whether you are the main character or someone who only appears in the second act for a dozen lines you devote two evenings of each week during your winter. I never liked that. It never seemed fair. But, at the end of the day, even if a character had a mere handful of lines they are needed for an effective rehearsal.

So, these actors give up a great deal of their time to rehearse and perform characters who rarely have much to do in the Panto. They seldom have a 'character' beyond a name/title, seldom a joke to tell, and barely any interaction with the audience or even with the play itself.

And it isn't always linked to stage time. In the majority of Pantos the 'Good Fairy' appears many times throughout the performance and, technically, influences the plot. However she tends to be confined to a small, stationary position in the corner of the stage and rarely gets to interact with characters. I feel such an important element needs 'more'. More motion. More interaction. More fun for the actor to work with.

Often Pantos find themselves with Kings, Queens, Princesses and Princes that are little more than two dimensional standees that are required to sing half a duet or two and bow at the end. And here I mean no offense to the actors at all. Personally, I've found the actors in these roles tend to make the very best from the awfully thin roles they are given.  

On the other end of the scale from all this there are characters that appear for a mere couple of scenes, but are truly memorable, usually for comedy value. The greatest example of this in recent years of the Theatre on the Steps would be 'Slurp' from Xmas 2011's Snow White. The character featured in all of three scenes, but was integral to each of them and had some of the best melodramatic moments of the Panto. While there wasn't all that much stage time for the actor, the part was good enough that he could have fun with it and be proud of his contribution. 

Remember that Hannibal Lector (rightfully) won Anthony Hopkins an Oscar, but he only featured in a little over 16 minutes of Silence of the Lambs.

So, on to how this affects the Panto in Process.

Right now I am focused on a version of Cinderella, as a previous blog entry hinted (if you got the clue then congratulate yourself, if not... Try harder next time!). I'll add here a quick note that there are a dozen reasons out of my hands that this idea may not work out, but don't worry! I have a few other ideas up my sleeve!

At this point there are 9 named characters, down from 14 (I think) in Ali Baba this year. That is a fairly hefty chop, but the key point is that each of these characters has several defining characteristics and enough influence on the plot to justify both the actors spending their time on them and the audience investing themselves in them. This leads to other problems though, I don't want to turn people away who want to be part of the Panto, who in other years we'd have enough roles for all comers. Further more, it is very important to me to be able to offer a fair few roles to the members of the Youth Theatre company at the Theatre on the Steps, as these shows always seem to be fun for them.

It is tricky to balance and hard, if not impossible, to keep everyone happy. Above all I want the audience to be invested and entertained. Perhaps nothing else really matters. But, as anyone who has ever seen a panto can attest, the more the cast are enjoying themselves the funnier and more enjoyable it is for the audience.

I promise that this will be a pantomime that everyone involved: cast, crew and audience can enjoy together.

Another quick teaser, before we part ways?

John Chambers (right) carrying a ventriloquist dummy.

Alright, let me speak of (Life Time Achievement Award Winner) John Chambers.

John C (we have a lot of Johns, thus they are encoded) has traditionally played characters of regal bearing in our pantos. Often his role is something of a master of exposition, simply repeating what has just happened on stage (you know, in case you went to the bathroom).

Yet in Snow White (Xmas 2011) John and I got to rock out with some air guitar to a Queen song in a slightly surreal non sequitur.  I can't speak for John, but it was my most enjoyable scene of the whole panto. It always got a great reaction and it was great to see John let his (silky white) hair down and have some crazy fun, dropping his formal facade.

If John Chambers should choose to join us for Panto Xmas 2013 he had best start preparing for more fun. Currently sitting awaiting review on my desk (ok, on my couch) is the final 'big scene' of Cinderella. Naturally Cinderella features a Prince (Charming) and, in this instance, his father: a King. The King plays heavily into this final scene and he will need to be able to keep a straight face in a scene featuring: cross dressers, a blindfold, and much intrusion of personal space.

Not quite as disgusting as a certain scene from this year with an apple (I'm so sorry...), but it should be memorable. Oh yes, memorable...

Go ahead you can laugh all you want

I got my philosophy

and I trust it like the ground.

And thats why my philosophy 

It keeps me walking when I'm falling down.

- Ben Folds, "Philosophy"

Frames of Reference

I just wanna drink 'till I'm not thirsty
I just wanna sleep 'till I'm not tired
I just wanna drive 'till I run out of highway
into the Purple Sky

-  Kid Rock, "Purple Sky"

Allow me to wander down our first, and certainly not the last, tangent along this road. Something hit me hard when typing last night and it has taken me some time to put into words, but quite simply it is this:

Pantomime is weird, isn't it? 

And uniquely British.

As many of you know, I spent a year on my life working aboard cruise ships. The crew of my first ship came from 72 different countries and lead to a myriad of interesting conversations and different points of view. One particular conversation comes to mind as I discussed with a couple of colleagues (a Brazilian and a South African) about my time on stage and in the question was raised as to what I found most fun. My answer, naturally, was the annual pantomime. I received two utterly blank faces as a reply.

Now, I was distantly aware that Pantomime was very much a British thing, but it hadn't occurred to me how hard it would be to explain to someone with no common frame of reference.

"What is this 'Panto'?"

"Oh, you know: "He's behind you!""

...

""Oh no he isn't!" "Oh yes he is!""

...

"Funny man in drag?"

...

"Nothing?"

...

"Ummm... Damn."

I am not a patriotic person. You won't see me out waving flags even in the most nationalistic circumstance (the Olympics went right over my head), but if I'm proud of anything in this country it is that no matter how bad a child may be doing in school, no matter how poor their knowledge of times tables or punctuation, the vast majority know precisely when and where to cheer, boo, hiss and interact in a Pantomime environment before they are 5 years old.

For that, Great Britain, I salute you all.

I will add that, to my relief, two Irish crew and a Canadian knew what I was on about and we managed to put together a rough explanation  I'm not sure it really helped, to be honest. Panto is something that has to be experienced, rather than explained. I'd love to invite those two confused crew members to a Panto, but I fear that they wouldn't understand it until it was too late to get involved. In Britain we are born with Panto, we grow up with it, it is part of us, if only for one evening a year. A small piece of continuity running through our collective psyche. I cannot conceive of a greater gift each Christmas.


Anyway, navel-gazing aside, there is a job to be done!

I have completed a five page treatment for one of my concepts for a Panto. This was done in one big burst that kept me awake till 3am because I was afraid that if I didn't write it all down then parts would slip away in the night. I get the feeling that I'll end up creating a few outlines of panto scripts for all the various stories and go with whichever feels the most 'right'. Luckily I have you to help me decide!

I'm not going to go into huge detail right now as many parts are still in flux, but how about a few lines from the first page? As always, we begin with a Fairy...


I’m sorry, I’m not quite with it.
I've just had so much to do.
Twelve months to weave a story
And boy have I got one for you!

Its about this girl and her sisters,
a slipper, a prince and a ball!
Oh dear! You've got me going now!
I don’t want to spoil it all!


Can you tell what it is yet?

Rolling the Ball

Well, big wheels roll through fields where sunlight streams.

Meet me in a land of hope and dreams

-  Bruce Springsteen, "Land of Hope and Dreams"

I agreed to this.

I don't remember who suggested it. 

I blame them. 

I can do that, right?

Today I embark on a journey. With pen to paper I intend to put together a pantomime. Not a generic cliche-fest, although there is room for cliche. Not a jumbled mess of pop culture references, although they will not be denied. But something hilarious, heartfelt and touching. Where no character is wasted. Where the songs are relevant to the action. Where everyone is proud of it for years to come.

The kind of panto I've always wanted to see.

This blog is window into my creative process and an effort to keep myself on track. Hopefully it will keep me on target. Hopefully it will provide you a little entertainment and insight. It is this blog that will assemble the scattered fragments of jokes, lines and threads into a glorious whole.

But I cannot do this alone.

Don't get me wrong, I plan on doing the heavy lifting. But there are things beyond my expertise that crowd sourcing will solve. I invite you not merely to observe, but to partake. That is what panto is about after all.

So get comfy. We've got about 8 months. I want to be done in half that. I want to be able to invite everyone reading this to read-throughs around a barbecue in the summer. I want that panto feeling to be part of us all year round.

Now I can't promise with absolute certainty that this panto will be performed. I only have so much power in these matters. But if it as good as I think we can make it? I don't think there will be any other option.

From you I have ask for two things:

1. I will, on occasion, ask for solutions for elements I am stuck on. The first of which is at the end of this post...
2. Keep. Me. Going. Pester me. Comment on this blog, on facebook, in person, whatever works! I intend to post here at least once a week, but preferably far more often. It is your job to make sure I do. I know you are very good at irritating me, so this should come naturally.

So, I said I needed a solution from you. Riddle me this...

Every panto needs an energetic opening number. Something the audience can really get into. Something not too obscure and that focuses its appeal on the younger watchers. The criteria are simple:

1. To be sung primarily by the theatre's youth, possibly lead by a main cast member.
2. To lend itself well to a big group dance routine.
3. To really kick things off with a bang.

I'll offer some extra thoughts (cribbed from the margins of my notebook) that might net you bonus points, but don't feel constrained by them:

• Perhaps a song which is segmented enough to allow for different dance portions for different types of character on stage (if it were to take place at a market, the shop owners do there thing here, the shoppers dance here, etc). Always been partial to the variety that adds.
• Don't forget this post as the year goes on. New songs may arrive that spark your imagination.

And I've just realised I haven't given you a setting! Well, best conceive of it as this panto's equivalent of Old London Town.

And what exactly is 'this panto'?

That, my friends, is a story for another time...